Not a Love Story, Man, Go on

do you remember the first time we met?

 

probably you don’t, cause i don’t remember that time too. but as far as i could remember, i’ve already fell in love with you. you might remember me as a noisy guy from the back of the class. barely coming, barely listening to teacher. i know you, and you know me. that’s it.

 

our first real-life convo was when you were late and i was on the corridor of the class. you said “hey” and i just nod. i dont even think that counts as a real conversation. but i remember that at that time, i think you’re really cute as a person. after that, i became noisier than usual, tryin’ to get you to notice me and maybe had a little chat. that surely didn’t work much

 

but well whatever, we chatted on IM didn’t we? and then somehow my feeling changes, from wanting you, into needing you. i need you to ask me what am i doing everyday, and i need to know what you’re doing everyday too. selfish, ain’t I?

 

then you got your major heartbreak from someone i barely know. you cried (or at least you told me so) and i did my best to comfort you. maybe somehow it worked. we got closer than before. our feelings grew mutual. and after i finally build up my courage to ask you to go out with me, we’re finally together. if only you knew how i felt that day, shyte man imma be the happiest person in the world. how couldn’t i?

 

well, you know me, i ain’t that mature that time we were together. we spent almost everyday fighting right? don’t you remember? as a result of my immaturity, we broke up. i immediately regret that decision. maybe, if i weren’t too childish that time, we would be together still, maybe until now.

 

after that, we grew apart. at the same school but barely met. you became a more mature lady like a cecropia moth caterpillar that grows to be a beautiful butterfly (fyi cecropia moth caterpillar is really beautiful, google it) and become smarter than ever too. while me, that used to be an average high schooler, drown in bitterness of wanting you back, became a more fragile individual. i started to not coming to classes, smokes, hanging out at midnight, etc. i really lived my youth, girl.

 

i’ve been keeping this feelings to stay the same for approximately 3 years. we didn’t even talk and only text occasionally, like, monthly or something. i really surprised that those feelings could stay like that for years. i even broke a girl’s heart y’know. maybe even until now she would still mad at me. but now, or should i say a few months ago, i’ve moved on. after a great 3 years of unrequited love, i’ve finally moved on.

 

well that’s not what this post is about. ya think the purpose of this post was to brag? maaan, i’m not that low. and what is so good about me finally moved on after 3 years of torture? that’s not even something to be proud of. what this post really about is how thankful i am to have met and fell in love with someone like you. you should be a teacher you know? cause even in your silence, you taught me many things. you taught me how to be faithful to a girl. you taught me that many things in life are meaningless but it doesn’t mean that i should give up. you taught me that not all hopes are meant to be come true. or in simpler words, you taught me what life really is. you taught me how to become an adult who’s ready to face the bitterness of the world. hmm yea (that’s what you always said when you were mad lol). this post is about gratitude of a nobody, that reaaaaallly felt thankful because of you. have a nice life, my adolescence love story 🙂 

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About hamcena

I'm a melancholic-romantic rocker.
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